Mastering the Monkey-Bars

I only had one New Year’s Resolution this year – learn to do the monkey bars. As far as goals go, it was not only very specific, but also a bit bizarre, but it’s something I’ve wanted to be able to do for a long while, and this year is hopefully when I’ll conquer them once and for all.

Now I should probably get this out of the way early doors – it’s April and I’ve still not even attempted any monkeying around. As one of the UK’s dreariest men, Chris Martin, once said – “if you never try you’ll never know..”, but I’m just not mentally or physically prepared to inevitably hang like a dying sloth for five seconds and then calamitously fall on the floor in front of everyone at my gym.

But I have been putting in some groundwork. Every week I’ve been doing lat pull downs, pull ups, bent over rows, dips.. you name it, I’m trying it, all to build up the muscles in my arms and back I need to master the monkey bars. By doing this, I’ve found that where I struggle the most is really quite pathetic – my hands hurt.

Hanging your entire body weight on or off your hands HURTS. And chances are they’ll also be sweaty, the bars will be solid and unforgiving, and – as a girl – I’ve no doubt moisturised my hands at least twice that day at work, which means they’re soft and supple, making all of this even harder! Learning to grin and bear it through hanging off the TRX cage at the gym will be the biggest breakthrough I make this month, and will carry me that little bit closer to staying true to my resolution.

For now though, I’ll stick to my boyfriend supporting me as I do (terrible) pull ups, keep racking up the numbers when lifting weights, and keep praying to the monkey bar Gods that I manage at least one set by Christmas!